How to Stop Your Personal Life Affecting Your Business

Earlier in 2022, I was the guest on the flower podcast with Scott Shepard, I had an amazing time talking about all things business flowers, and the things that can trip us up as entrepreneurs including how our personal problems can leak into our business.

What I really mean by personal problems is the mindset that we bring to the table, the beliefs that hold us back and keep us from making decisions because we're scared, or thinking that what we want to do is the wrong move.

I've seen this issue come up time and time again with clients which is one of the reasons that I decided to become certified in neuro coaching, so that I could learn how to help my clients with the way they think about something, how that can change and really, completely change how they do business as well.

Neuroscience is all about brain based coaching, so looking at the deeper rooted issues or beliefs behind what you're saying and doing. We all have ants in our head! These ants (or automatic negative thoughts) come up for us daily and are based on our experiences in life, cultural conditioning and lots of other factors. We may become aware of them but are not sure how to change them and actually rewrite them and that's what neurocoaching helps you do. It teaches you that you can actually rewrite a neural pathway in your brain which is totally amazing.

Now often we hear that to break an old habit or cement a new habit it takes 21 days but neuroscience actually shows that after 21 days, both both habits are still there. And in order for that old habit to go away, it's it actually takes 67 days of continually doing that new habit and then the old habit breaks. And this is where it gets fascinating because you can actually pinpoint the synapses break in the brain where the old habit was and the new one is formed. What this shows is how deeply entrenched some of our thoughts and patterns are. 

So if we find ourselves stuck in a pattern of behaviour or a mindset that's not supporting us in growing our business or doing the things we want within it then we have to first start by looking back and saying 'Okay, is this something that's been repeated in the past? Do I keep doing things the same way expecting new results?'

If the answer is yes (and it probably will be) then the next set of questions to ask yourself is how do I break that mould? What support do I need to get so that I can try it in a different way?

When we start to really become self aware and set the intention to get support and try things in a new way then this is when the real breakthroughs can happen. Sometimes it is the smallest thing keeping us safe and when we learn to rewire that thought or habit we can find that over the coming months we are no longer holding on to it and allowing it to have a hold on us. That's when everything can change in your business and personal life.

What happens when we start focusing on the future and start realising the opportunities that we have waiting in front of us are there ready for us to take as long as we can get past those roadblocks that we put up for ourselves. 

Once you identify those automatic negative thoughts, you can trace any thought back to one of the big three core needs that we all have as humans. These are that we all want to feel loved, safe, and worthy, or enough. Everything leads back to these core needs and for most of us one of these will speak louder to us than the others. 

Let's talk about some different scenarios so you can understand this just a little bit more.

Are you a person that is always searching and wanting to feel loved? Maybe circumstances happened when you were younger when there wasn't someone around you that told you that you were loved, or you grew up in a home with a single parent and you felt like there was something missing?

Perhaps when you're in a situation, a thought comes to you of why doesn't that person like me? Or did I do something wrong? Or why am I reacting to so and so leaving early from my party, when I hate how they talk to me that way? Often, these are thoughts that come up for us when we are missing that core need of love.

The next big core need is around feeling safe. Often these types of situations happen, where we maybe experienced abuse in a family in a relationship with family or a partner, or perhaps it was an accident or a situation. Or maybe you were in a job where you were fired. Certain situations will trigger you so you look for ways in situations where you can feel safe.

Or perhaps your biggest core need is the one of feeling worthy or enough. You're always out to try and prove yourself and others that you are enough. You're worthy to be able to hold this position.

Whatever it may be these core needs come up consistently throughout our life, and if we're not aware of them they tend to knock us off our game because we form beliefs around the thoughts that we have from these situations. And we start believing these things and when that happens, we make decisions based from those beliefs. And from those decisions that we make, we take actions which cause the results we get.

This whole process can happen in a matter of minutes even seconds because our subconscious mind is making 1000s of automatic decisions for us that unless we take time to analyse it, we often aren't even aware that we're making those decisions.

Think about it. In order for me to feel safe, I lock my front door at night. It's a subconscious action I take every night before I go to bed to make sure that the door is locked and the light is turned on outside.

I make this decision, even though it's a subconscious one, so that I can feel safe. If I lock the door, then that means no one can get in. Therefore, I feel safe, because the result is that no one can get in my house. This is a very basic example but we take these things to much greater level when we're talking about how we deal with our lives and the decisions we make in our personal and business lives. 

If we're not happy with the result that we're getting, we can look back and start to think, 'Okay, what belief am I holding onto about this?'

For instance, let's say you've hired an employee, it's been about six months, and they've been trained in everything you do there at your studio. One day, you realise that this person has been stealing from your business. What do you do? Your mind starts to race - I can't believe this happened to me. What did I do? Did I not see this coming? How could I have been so blind not to see this? Or even noticed it?

Or perhaps you're thinking, why would they do this to me? I've been training them and given them everything. I feel so betrayed.

Or how am I going to hire somebody else? I don't even know if I can trust myself because obviously I didn't see this coming. It's not about you. It's about them. They stole the money. They have a need that they decided to fill. And you're like, 'Okay, I need to get rid of this person right away. But oh my gosh, I've got all this work that I have to get done.'

So what are you going to do? Are you going to let them stay? Or are you going to fire them? Let's say you fire them, you realise that even with the amount of work that you have to get done it's so much better. It's not healthy for you to keep them on if they've stolen from you. So you decided to let them go.

And then what? You get to take a step back and make some decisions. Some will be thinking, I don't want to be in this situation again. But what is that outcome? That outcome means that you won't hire any more help, you're going to keep piling everything on and keep on taking it because you've decided you're afraid to hire someone again. I know you're afraid that someone might do that again to you. And you definitely don't want to repeat that.

Or you can decide you're going to go back through the process of advertising for someone, interviewing, etc. All the while the fact that you've invested your time and energy into training someone that stole from you is looming in the back of your mind. How about this? What if you stopped and thought it through a bit and said, 'Okay, what can I do differently this time in the hiring process to reduce the feeling of not being safe to hire someone else? What can I learn from the situation?'

Well, how about looking into doing background checks? Do you have a strategy around how you want to hire? Do you have a checklist of the things that you're that are important to you? Do you have a procedure around hiring that is in place so that you can feel more secure in the process around it? Do you need to put some safety measures when it comes to accessing money that's in your place of business or in the business accounts online? What does that look like? You can decide to make things a little bit easier for yourself this time around.

These are lessons that you learn and make this decisions around. If you want different results, you get to go back and start thinking about what thoughts that are coming up for you. Because those thoughts produce emotions that start to form the beliefs that I will hold and from those beliefs I make the decisions, and the decisions that I make produce the actions that bring about the results that I get.

As business owners we really owe it to ourselves and our businesses to be aware of how we let life leak into our business. Take a moment and look back and decide where do I want to go? How do I want to do things? Am I struggling in this area? Or has this been a challenge? Okay, why has it been a challenge? What am I believing about this situation? That's been making it a challenge? Is that true? Well, if it is true, then what else can I do? How can I make a change to see a different result?

I believe if you go back and concentrate on these things, you'll start to see these things differently. You'll do something differently, and you'll start to see different results.